Monday, March 26, 2012

While Jimmy Is Sleeping...

I look at my husband while he sleeps.

He sleeps a lot now, which took getting used to.

He sleeps while titled back and reclined in his wheelchair because it's more comfortable.

Sometimes it leads me to think about our new life.

He's doing so good. He's come such a long way. And he does it all without a giant chip on his shoulder.

I think about some of the things people say to me... or have said to me after the accident.

Things like... "You're going to have such a hard life."

Or... "This whole thing is really going to age you."

And even... "You're a good person. Anyone else would've left him."

It's hard to be strong when you have people throwing daggers at you like that.

Goodness gracious.

But the truth is... I made a commitment when I stood before my friends, family and minister on that day in June.

It's all part of it. It's life. It's marriage. Dealing with the blows the best way we can together.

If the situation were reversed, I'd like to think Jimmy would rise to the occasion and be there for me in every way he knew how.

We got married because of the character and strength each of us contains.

It was in the vows we exchanged. In sickness and in health... You have to mean that stuff.

One of my favorite quotes is from Dana Reeve. Her legacy is one I will always admire.

"A terrible thing happened. I wish it hadn't. But would I change who I married? Never."

Jimmy could've died that day. Some would say he almost died that day.

He may never walk again. He may never be able to use his arms again.

We'll deal with it. He's already amazed me with how he maneuvers his chair with a straw. A straw!

He's kind of my hero.

Jimmy continues to sleep while we wait for our doctor's appointment. And when his snoring used to be annoying... It's now comforting. He needs his rest.

He'll wake up happier.

We attended another peer support group at Shepherd this past Thursday.

Someone said something encouraging to me that gave me some perspective.

She said... Spinal cord injuries are unlike any other disease, in that, a lot of times patients get better instead of worse.

Well we know that's true, so far. And that certainly gives us something to look forward to, doesn't it?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012


Someone I went to high school with Facebook messaged me and asked if I still was blogging.

The answer is yes...

However, I feel like I've been in an emotional funk lately and haven't had the inspiration. And if I write blogs during an emotional funk, I feel like they will come across as 'woe is me.'

But I will write.

I'm so flattered that people want to read what's floating around in my brain.

Jimmy and I have been keeping busy lately. We have appointments -- several a week. But it does get tough when a long stretch goes by and I realize Jimmy hasn't been out of the house in days.

Since the weather has improved, I've started encouraging him to come out to the courtyard with me at our apartment complex.

It's fresh air, if nothing else.

We have to get creative when we have no ride. But that's soon to change.

We're hoping to get our vehicle within weeks.

That opens so many doors for us. Jimmy will have the option to come with me... or not come with me. He'll get to see Atlanta on his time and won't feel so stuck at home.

I continue to work on my self-care.

I'm attending two tennis lessons a week, and have just decided to start training for a 10K. I ran a 5K recently.

Boy did that feel good. I didn't even have to walk. It took forever, but I totally blame the wind and the hills I didn't realize Atlanta had. Yeah... that's it.

Meanwhile, tennis has become an addiction. I constantly look forward to it.

It's something I've never done and I started from scratch this January, with the encouragment from Dear Friend Jamie. I hesitated and relucted.

But... I went... and now... I can't get enough.

It's something for me. I can give myself goals, take advice, meet others and release stress. As it turns out, I have a lot of power. So I can smash the hell out of the ball, when I actually hit it correctly.

Jimmy used to play tennis. He was really good. I remember playing with him once... I could not even keep up. So he knows how bad I was. I can't wait to show him my improvement. When I'm ready...

Running is another healthy release. And finding races to run helps me set goals and work towards them. Running sucks though. In a good way.

Everytime I'm halfway through a run I just have to ask myself -- Why the frick am I doing this?!

Then, at the end of the run, I have my answer. Accomplishment.

Jimmy continues to amaze me with the work he's doing to ween off the ventilator. He could easily stay on the vent. It's easy that way. But he pushes himself... and it inspires me. Those last 10 minutes of my run are tough. But if Jimmy can breath off the ventilator for 12 hours when his injury is telling him that maybe he can't, then I can run those goddamn last ten minutes.

Forgive the language, Mom.

In just a matter of weeks, Jimmy and I take our first vacation post-injury. We're going to visit our wonderful friends and family in Myrtle Beach. For a full week -- we're setting up shop in a two-bedroom suite on the beach.

It's more planning that I could've imagined, but we will have two nurses coming, thank God.

Stress will be imminent, but it will so be worth it.

There are a lot of places and faces we sure do miss.