Thursday, October 23, 2014

Good Fortune

As we try to get to the bottom of what's making Jimmy feel like complete crap, we deal with some difficult days and nights. 

Yesterday, Jimmy slept through lunch and it was all I could do to get him to eat a little dinner. 

We ordered Chinese because that's what my husband said he would eat. 

Although it was a quick, tough dinner, with a hope for better dinners and better days, I opened this fortune cookie. 

A reminder that there's some joy on the way. 

I would like Jimmy to be feeling great and be in a good state of mind for when this little love biscuit comes, but I know things don't always pan out that nice and neat. 

Still, we're looking forward to our good fortune. She'll be here any day now. 

Today, I'm 39 weeks pregnant. 

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Funny/Not Funny Things Said To Me While Pregnant

37 Weeks
I didn't get a lot of unsolicited belly rubs during pregnancy, which I was surprised by. I did get some funny/not funny comments. People crack me up. Got to love human honestly.  

And really, for all the awkward, funny/not funny comments -- I got so many more wonderful ones.

But... these make for a better blog post, sooo...  

Here they are:

*I knew something was up! You were really moody about those paper towels.

*You're pregnant? I knew your hips were getting bigger.

*I mean, I could tell you were gaining weight but I didn't think pregnancy!

*[On the closet nursery situation] Maybe don't keep your kid in the closet when they are a teenager.

*Especially for this, I wish Jimmy would get arm movement back.

*You used to be really focused on your physical health... 

*Young kid at Publix: "Mommy, she's pregnant like you! But she's fat! She's fatter than you!" [Cue poor mother mortified!]

*Omg your feet!

*You're having a girl?! Good luck!

*You're pregnant?! Good luck! 

*Enjoy your baths now. You won't get to take one for another 10-15 years. 

*Enjoy your sleep now. You won't get any for like 21 years.

I feel like my friends got more of the "You still have one or two months to go? You look like you're going to POP!" Which they hated. I only got one of those.

What were your best funny/not funny comments you got while pregnant?

Friday, October 17, 2014

38 Weeks

*All of the pregnancy count down apps are now comparing my offspring to the size of watermelon, pumpkin, spaghetti squash and leeks. 

*Apparently pregnancy carpel tunnel is a thing. 

*As of Monday's OB appointment, I was a fingertip dilated. It could still be weeks... and probably will be. 

*It's fall. Even in Georgia sometimes it can feel like fall. I tried on so many of my pairs of my shoes that aren't flip flops. Nope. I got nothing. Flip flops from here on out until I deflate

*Officially not sleeping much anymore. It was a good run. 

*I think I've finally started with the waddle. 

*I'm tired of peeing. 

*The cool, fall air is heaven sent. Wrap your arms around me sweet, sweet autumnal winds.  

*Jimmy is officially over all the preparations and ready for her to get here. 

*She picks her time of day and will move a bunch and wiggle about, but then most of the time she'll be chill. She's pretty good about not moving much at night. But, I'll tell you... she's now taking my breath away. She's big and it's so weird feeling ninja jabs at the top of my ribs and in my crotch -- at the same time.

*Oh, I read THIS and cried. What a wonderfully reflective time: The end of a pregnancy.   

Saturday, October 4, 2014

My Dearest Daughter

Hi there.  

I need to meet you.

I need to meet you so you can tell me your father and I are doing the right thing. We need to look at your face so we'll know. We need to hold you. 

Because right now, I'm scared and he's tired. He's tired of his injury. He's tired of not feeling good. He's tired of the not being rewarded for doing everything right. He's tired of the "always something." He's tired of being bored. He's just tired. Right now, my dear, he's just tired.

It's hard to watch. When I have the energy and the mental motivation available to provide him, I can help. If only a little. I can start the gas logs. I can put a blanket around his neck that's stiff from the cold air. I can make him something warm to drink. I can commiserate with him, even though I'm as warm as I was in mid-June. But sometimes being eight months pregnant makes helping him difficult.

We've gotten better at talking. Maybe due to therapy? Yes, we both had therapy after the accident, Daughter. It helped. We talked through the decision to have you, the challenges to get you and the joy we felt when we found out you were YOU.

When your father talks to me about how hard a time he's having, it breaks my heart. He's not one to complain much. So when he does chose to disclose feelings, it's hard. I want to make it all better for him. It's not fair what happened to him, you know. But things not being fair... that's life, daughter. It sucks sometimes. Life isn't always great. We're here to tell you.  

When we get so beyond down and out, we tend to think we've gotten in over our heads with the decision to have a baby. Sometimes life is fine with the injury. But sometimes it feels insurmountable. And that's when I feel like I really need to see you. I need you to reassure us that it's all gonna be okay.  I need you to let us feel that you'll provide something I can't possibly try to imagine.

I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant and things are getting harder for me. I did a lot today. I slept well last night so I had plenty of happy energy. But by 7pm, I didn't want to do anything more. But... because life isn't fair sometimes... I had to.  I had to put away the food on the stove, set the coffee pot, put clean sheets on my bed and get your father situated in his room. I sat quietly on the couch and cried, feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't ask your father to do these things for me. I miss having his help sometimes. Especially now. I know I'll miss it a lot when you get here. But remember what I was telling you about life not always being fair?

My tears quickly dried and I walked your dad in his room to get ready for bed. That's when he confessed to me that he was having a hard time. Just not feeling good and tired of it.  I started crying again (shocking) and he thought he made me upset.

He said, "I thought you wanted me to tell you when something was bothering me."

I was relieved.

I told him I was so happy he confided in me and was not upset at all. I explained that I was crying because I was having weird, emotional, overwhelming feelings, too. It looks like we're both having a tough time.

But in that moment, man, I was so glad to have your father right there. Right then. Only we get it. Only we get the gruesomeness and wonderfulness that we share in this life together. It can suck. And what we have to do to pull ourselves out of the injury funk sometimes, only we get it.

We want you to get it. We'll let you in on it. And we want you to be what pulls us out of our injury funk. No pressure, Daughter.

So, I need to meet you.

By all means, finish up what you're doing in there. It's important that you do. But we'll be patiently (or not) awaiting your presence. 

Maybe we've been broken a little by all this. We've slowly tried to repair ourselves the best way we know how. Maybe welcoming you, Daughter, will catapult us in our quest to patch ourselves up a little more.  

As hard as this life can be, we know you'll help us feel the fullness again.

Your Momma

Friday, October 3, 2014

36 Weeks

27 days left until due date!

Pretty, hair did, make-up on, just the right angle, belly sticker belly pic

Real life, feeling like complete crap, belly hanging out, sleep shirts don't fit belly pic

*Getting closer... weeks now! Holy buckets!

*We had an ultrasound on Wednesday to get a better idea of our baby's size and see how everything looked. She looked great! She's head down and facing my back, so in the birthing position, but that meant no cute ultrasound pictures with her detailed facial features, which I guess I was expecting. We couldn't see her face but could see her cute little legs crossed and folded up under her bottom. We also saw her practicing her breathing.  

*She weighs around 6.8lbs -- give or take a half pound. So maybe looking at an 8-9 pounder?

*My blood pressure is slowly creeping up. They want me to come back Monday to have it checked again and keep an eye on it. But they aren't too too concerned because it's not super high, and also I'm almost done. I've been told to take it easy, watch the stress, slow it down, watch the sodium, all that fun stuff. 

*Monday will also be our "labor talk" with the OB. We'll discuss our wishes and possible plans, options -- all that jazz. 

*Today Jimmy's nursing agency threw us a baby shower, which was amazingly nice of them. So many people we don't know came and celebrated. We were so touched. We also got a chance to talk to them about some challenges we could face once the baby comes and how to use the nurses more to our advantage for cooking, feeding, errands, appointments etc., once I'm not able to.  

*Uhm, we're gonna have a baby soon.